Doing The Needful
Known to most of us as "Would you mind ...?".
It is commonly used in India and I like it a lot. Email I received today:
Hi Anthony,
Please do the needful, to comply with requirements set by Dee Kuan in the mail below.
Sometime
Known to most of us as "Fuck off - not yet".
The emphasis is on the word "some", not "time", which is why I spell it as one word.
"Sometime" is used to obtain additional time to complete any task. It overrules any previous commitments made.
Conversation from today (imagine a very strong, Apu-like accent):
Me: "It's really overdue. Are you working on it today?"
Sudhir: "Yes Anthony. We are working on it now."
Me: "When do you think it will be ready?"
Sudhir: "Oh ... I think it will take sometime".
Me: "So how long then?"
Sudhir: "Oh ... not long Anthony. Soon now. It just needs sometime."
Me: "Umm ... great. Thanks."
Sudhir: "You're welcome Anthony."
Or this, from the call centre queue at Idea Cellular, the second largest mobile phone company in India. Imagine a hyper-enthusiastic Indian woman:
"Thank you for calling Idea! All our operators are busy! Please hold the line! We will be with you in sometime!"
The missing article
For some reason, while Indians speak fantastic English (most people I work with are educated in English and speak it like a native) they always omit the "the" when referring to the USA or the office.
"That was when I was working in USA ..." or "Oh yes. That's quite common in USA"
"Are you in office now?" or "OK Anthony I will call you when I am back in office."
I have now incorporated these shortcuts into my own vernacular.
It's really quite a time saver. A linguistic dishwasher, as it were.
