Santa Baby Fish

Last week I learnt to say "How are you?" in Vietnamese, which goes something like:

Có khỏe không?

It roughly translates to "How's your health?" and is difficult to pronounce.

The first word requires a rising tone. So imagine you're asking God for something you really don't deserve. But you are interrupted right at the beginning of your requeste. Probably by a disgruntled Santa.

The second word is the sound you make when you're busting to go to a toilet break on a long road trip but there's nowhere to pull over. It's the same sound as the one you make when you tease a crying baby that you don't like. Take your pick.

The third sounds like a fish taking in a gulp of air.

I've been using this phrase extensively ever since ... Santa Baby Fish ... Santa Baby Fish. 

This required significant rehearsal before I took it on the road. I'm using it constantly with receptionists, my colleagues at work, taxi drivers, the security guys at my apartment building and with the mute laundry lady. In fact anyone who makes the mistake of pausing for more than 2 seconds in my presence gets one. At first I needed least 4 cheery attempts per recipient, but now I'm almost at the point when I'm being understood on the first or second attempt.

A couple of days ago I tried it out on one of my regulars at work and she gave me some feedback:

"You don't say that in Vietnam"

-- "Oh? Really? What do you say then?"

"I don't know. Just not that."

-- "But someone taught me to say it.

"Yes I know. It's right but we don't use it. You only say that when you think someone looks sick."

-- "Then what should I say?"

We normally say things like 'Have you had lunch?' or 'Where are you going?'. You don't know enough Vietnamese language for this. So just say hello to people. When foreigners come here from overseas they think Vietnamese people are very curious and nosey because we are always asking these types of questions when we see people. But the foreigners don't realise that we don't care. I'm asking you but I don't care if you've had lunch. And I don't care where you are going."

-- "You don't care?"

"No. we ask each other, but we don't care. I don't care if you've had lunch."

In the absence of anything else, I'm continuing to use the Có khỏe không partly because it's the only phrase I have, but mostly because I don't really care if they are healthy either.