Anything To Save Face

After months of speculation, the government has finally blocked Facebook in Vietnam.

This is our own little Kristallnacht ... and I approve of it ... as I do with most genocides.

Everyone knew it was coming. Even the potatoes were forewarned. It's been the talk of the town since yesterday, when it was starting to be blocked. The blocking seems to be happening one internet provider at a time.

It is only really hurting the potatoes. You can hear their background music in many bars and cafes: "I can't get Facebook any more".

Most Vietnamese people already have a workaround. It's just the stupid potatoes who can't work it out. The only group the government doesn't care about.

Yes while the locals are continuing to post updates on their profile, the potatoes are dropping crocodile tears into their burgers.

But it's about time the government did something. Vietnamese Facebook users are infidels. Here are some recent examples of postings from my own Facebook wall.

1. From Olive

"daddy, i wanna tittle-tattle Kiwi, he misleaded me to say bad words to big sis..."

R is the kiwi she is referring to. I wonder if to tittle-tattle someone involves unwanted sexual advances?

2. Also from Olive

"I think we can be animals family. daddy = dinosaur, big sis = lion, kiwi = wolf, n... babybee ^^"

I have absolutely no idea what this all means. But I guess I'm a dinosaur. I don't know what to do with this new menagerie but I expect to soon be told.

3. From Tung, the waiter at a local bar.

"hey bro,how're u,i miss u.will u be free this friday.friday is my birthday.u're hopeful to join my party.hope i can see u in my party.will u join"

Yes, I will join. Why are you calling me bro?

4. Back to Olive:

"daddy, Kiwi is bad, he's bullying me. I learnt new English from big sis last day, when that clumpsy Kiwi nearly drop his money: "Finder keeper, loser wiper" ^^"

I love the word clumpsy. It's an improvement to the originaly Of course there is this old staple:

5. Olive again:

"Mizzu, daddy! Where r u? Where's my gift? :-P"

And so on and so forth. This seems to be how Vietnamese people use Facebook.

R accidentally overstayed his work visa (forgot to renew). This is a communist country (the type of country that bans Facebook) so he needed to tread very carefully when exploring his options. He went to the HR department of the agency he works at. Within 2 hoursthe following was posted to his Facebook wall:

6. From his friend and colleague, L:

"Hey dude! I heard your visa is expired? Haha!!!! What you gonna do? Bummer man. You could be in trouble."

There are no secrets in Vietnam.

7. This from L's Facebook wall:

"Working at [Client name] site today. It really sucks there."

There were replies from the client, saying "Hope you're not referring to me man."

To which L replied "No man. Just your internet is so slow and bad."

L's company is responsible for providing the internet services and most of his friends in Facebook are either from his company, with many from the client.

8. Also from L's Facebook:

"Back to work today. I fucked up all the deadlines but no one knows! Hehe"

9. L also used his Facebook profile to celebrate his new love, then to openly wage war with the cuckold, and then later to wallow over the split-up:

"L is trying to do what he's best at - be a man, stay cool, calm and collected. But it's still so hard getting some sleeps, the stupid mind just doesnt rest at all."

"What goes around comes around. I broke 2 hearts and now it's time to payback. "khi qua bao den, toi chap nhan trung phat ma ko keu than""

"Lạy tạ lá khô rơi. Chết vui cho cành nẩy lộc". Sometimes you have to say goodbye for a glorious come back. Sometimes, it takes a broken heart to heal a broken heart. I'll be there honey. Goodbye

Followed by this:

It's all Red and Yellow here. But the heart is blue. Damn, I miss you

His friend replied with: "Bro... You can do it :).. There's no mistake to love with all ur heart and soul :)"

And then this:

"You touched my heart you touched my soul. You changed my life and all my goals. And love is blind and that I knew when, My heart was blinded by you. "

And this:

"That last kiss, I'll cherish Until we meet again. And time makes It harder. I wish I could remember. But I keep Your memory. You visit me in my sleep. My darling. Who knew..."

L was seeing his girlfriend for 2 months. Maybe 6 weeks. Very soon he will have been lamenting on Facebook for longer than the relationship lastered.

I've said it before and will say it again: this whole country is in Year 10.

I don't think that the Vietnamese Communist Party banned Facebook due to fear of social networking being a tool for group political action or dissent. I think the reasons were that it was just ... too ... embarrassed about what its people have been doing with it. This ban is not in the interests of public safety, but dignity.