Happy New Chipmunk

It's been a long time between drinks on the blog.

Or put another way, a long time drinking between blogs.

You say potato. I say potahto.

This potahto has certainly been fattening himself up with booze and burgers during the festive season. My how he's grown.

The New Year has also heralded many changes for me at work. We are working toward our inflated 2010 targets. Our company has been restructured worldwide. My job title disappeared in the new structure. No one has told me my job doesn't exist. I'm still getting paid (I think). There are a lot more flowers and police in the street. There is a link between the flowers and the police; strange as that sounds.

Besides this puzzle of paid unemployment (which I am in no hurry to solve), the main change in my work life is that Q, my colleague in the next cubicle, has a new ring. I'm not talking about marriage. Or a fisting accident. Or a work. I'm talking about Nokia.

Mobile phones are like Tiffany. Most people choose their ring very carefully. For some, it is an attempt to add another dimension to their external personality. For others, it speaks to the unchartered corners of their Id.

In an IT company such as mine, a person's ring tone selection can be quite disarming. There are 2 things that an IT nerd never quite manages to fit properly: his clothes and his ring tone. Nerds select the oddest songs. See a thin, pale, greasy-haired graduate and don't be surprised if you suddenly hear the shreak of "mutha fucka mutha fucka" emanating from his iPhone before he picks it up, swipes it sidesways and gingerly guides it to his ear before whisperng "hello?".

I'm not sure if Q realises her phone is mobile, because while she is rarely at her desk and the phone never leaves with her. It keeps her desk company. But Q is either very popular or in a lot of debt because she gets a lot of calls. This means that I get to hear her new ring, frequently, throughout the day, and nearly always to the end.

You see, Q has selected a cover version of "Skip to my Lou" for her phone. This version seems to be sung by a former member of Chipmunk Punk. It's cheery, while at the same time freakishly eerie ... the telltale signs of a seasoned chipmunk.

Most people would be driven crazy by this. Especially someone like me, who is not blessed with the gift of tolerance. Here's my dirty little secret though. The more I hear a ring tone, the more I like it. I don't know why. It must be some modern day Stockholm Syndrome. Like most people, I will immediately hate it. Then after a time I start to get desensitised. Hear it enough and I enjoying it. Before long I am humming it without prompts. I have considered calling this my Hear Ring Disorder but people would think I invented the illness to go with the pun.

Q's ring tone kicks in half way through the song. Wikipedia defines it thus:

Cows in the cornfield, What'll I do?

Cows in the cornfield, What'll I do?

Cows in the cornfield, What'll I do?

Skip to my Lou, my darlin'.

Skip, skip, skip to my Lou,

Skip, skip, skip to my Lou,

Skip, skip, skip to my Lou,

Skip to my Lou, my darlin'.

Oh no - her phone has just gone off again while writing this! Let me listen and get back to you.

Q was away from her desk of course so I got to hear the lyrics and took notes. It seems that these are no ordinary chipmunks. These chipmunks are fucking with my head because their lyrics are as follows

Coo dinna con fen, What are I do?

Coo dinna con fen, What are I do?

Coo dinna con fen, What are I do?

Skip tin a loo my darling.

This is poor piracy indeed. I would return a dvd if it was subtitled like that. It's like they put it through the dictionary to get the Chinese lyrics, then back again to English. Possibly they just ran the original songthrough a voice recognition programme to extract the lyrics, before briefing the chipmunks.

Oddly enough, "my darling" is pronounced perfectly. Just what are these chipmunks up to? I've even tried reading this backwards. And nothing.

The most interesting thing about all this is the origin of the song itself. I can imagine the chipmunks sitting and watching it from the rafters, biding their time. Fuck knows what they would do with Rock-a-bye Baby ... as if the baby hasn't been through enough.

As per usual, though, Q's ring has found its way into my Id and into my life. During the past week I have been enjoying this chirpy cheesey Chinese Chipmunk cover version of a classic. My involuntary toe tapping has already moved up to include some head bobbing. Come evening, I expect to be humming it in the cab on the way home.

I've even considered skipping to the toilet. At least a subtle hop.