Sarah Connor

My email log-in has been playing up ever since I arrived in Jakarta. The email is still working, but I'm not receiving all the mails when I synchronise with the server. I am having to ask colleagues to forward some important ones to me.

In truth, our technology is very patchy in Indonesia ... even in the fancy new offices. I guess they ran out of money for new machines.

I can't connect to any printers.

Last Friday night my wireless log-in program wouldn't work at all. I even couldn't get on to the network.

Then on Sunday my chat log-in stopped working. I expected it was part of some scheduled maintenance which was supposed to happen on Saturday.

Yesterday, right when we were about to finish printing our amending our proposal, I received about 6 automated emails saying my access to this or that had been denied.

No one else seems to be having so many problems.

So why me?

Then I realised.

I've been terminated.

So I tried to locate myself on the intranet and couldn't. No picture, no profile. Just someone called Kevin who shares the same surname. So I attempted many combinations of my name. No result. I asked la Reina and she couldn't find me. She tried to reassure me that this was a machine error, not a personal affront, but I could feel it in my waters.

I tried to find my employees.Success! I clicked on the "reporting line" link on one of them and discovered that they she floating out there alone; head-less.

Then I found another. And another. All floating. Headless. Me-less

Why me indeed!

One machine sent me a note this afternoon to inform me that my "User Id Does Not Exist".

Then another quite coldly stated "Employee Not Found Or Deleted".

This is not supposed to happen in my company, where departure is an highly automated and efficient process. You hand in your key, then a series of switches get flicked in cyberspace and you're out before you hit the elevator button.

In Vietnam, though, it seems to be a little more painful. And slow. And they also ensure it starts early. They want to make sure you get to feel it, just in case you get any ideas about coming back.

Do you think they don't like me?

I am due to return back this Thursday and have so many questions.

Will my key still work? Will there be someone else's name on my desk? Will I find someone at my chair? ... Rigidly, stoically, proprietorially perched?

I'm kind of excited about my desk. Butterflies excited.

I mean ... whatever will become of me????

What will I say?

What will I wear?

How's about a black cape, a pointy hat and a large glass of water ...

"I'm melting! melting! Oh, what a world! What a world! Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness?"