Pages

21 March 2009

My new favourite language teacher

Trang is a local Vietnamese teacher. I think she's the one in the middle. Here are some highlights from her website.

Firstly I'm not sure what those other smiling Vietnamese people are doing in the picture. I'm not convinced these are her students. The girl in red does not look genuinely happy, either. Her right shoulder seems insincere to me.

Trang says:
Here is what one of my best students had to stay: "I particularly appreciated your energy and enthusiasm, which never waned, despite the fact that I have been such a disappointing student!!"
But what she really means is:
"Anyone can be broken, even my best students. Think about that before you try to ask me the same question twice."

Trang says:
Cost of Lessons? Negotiable, depends on how fast you want to learn.
But what she really means is:
"The more you pay, the more I try. Think about that before you try to negotiate an attractive rate for yourself."

Trang says:
Non-cash payment choices:
Paypal
Good: Fast and inexpensive. Free to set up accounts. Transfer is instantaneous. Paypal only charges the recipient a very small percentage on each payment.
Bad: Must be Paypal members. This should take only a few minutes for most U.S. residents, but it can take several weeks for others.
Western Union Money Transfer
Good: Available in more countries than Paypal. Transfer is instantaneous.
Bad: Must go to the Western Union retail office to receive your money. The sender is charged a significant fee. This fee depends on the office location.
Direct Deposit:
Good: Nothing to set up. Very convenient if our accounts are at the same bank.
Bad: If you cannot access a branch of the bank where I have my account, you will be charged the inter-bank wire transfer fee. This fee to be usually approximately $35 U.S. equivalents at most banks.

But what she really means:
"If you don't pay me cash, I'm going to make your life hell. Think about that before you try to pay with a card."

Aside from Vietnamese, Trang will teach me to tell the truth.




Linguistic observation of the day

The only difference between  "cunt" and "can't" is how long we hold the vowel sound in our mouths.

Next time a foreigner says "You cunt be serious", don't be offended.

Tragic assumption of the day

"So you speak English?"

-- "Yes of course."

"You laugh at my joke. So your English is very good.  So did you go to school not in Vietnam?"


How I love ya how I love ya

My dinner tonight was Swan and Bamboo Noodle Soup.

The swan was revolting. "Sinewy" comes to mind.

Dinner conversation

"Those fucking ball-breaking women in senior management positions don't need to be like that. Someone should have pulled them aside much earlier in their career and had a word with them."

"So then I see this bird and she's - like - 15 out of 10 you know? Her jeans were practically painted onto her."

"Do you follow cricket mate? No? How about golf? No? Rugby? Um. Oh. Just tennis then? That reminds me of a time I went to see Ana Kournikova play and we were so close you could see the beads of sweat running down her leg."

I may add more when I've recovered.