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16 April 2009

Twittering Classes

I fucking don't get Twitter.

Although it's certainly making Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore look like twits.


Barracking

I fucking love Obama.

Full fucking stop.

Some Sole Winners are More Equal Than Others

The whole company has gone nuts over Dinh's Earth Hour iPod victory.  

Today I counted 17 emails of praise, each conceived by the careless tap of a Reply All finger. 

In most of the emails (few exceptions) Dinh is lauded for being the "Sole Winner". 

Sole winner?

Then it hit me.

It's Socialism. Everyone is equal. It’s like a school fete for retards. You have to make sure every one wins. 

Yet during one hour last week, when (most of) her lights were turned off, Dinh and made a break for another world of praise and iPods. And her peeps are loving her for it.

I want to achieve this level of popularity in Vietnam. And I want it bad. And I want it now. And for a desperate moment I nearly take my Reply All button for a spin. My victory announcement will be about how much I got paid last month for my housing allowance. Surely my colleagues, who don't even get a housing allowance, would laud me as some kind of Sole Winner for getting a sizeable one.

In the middle of all this fervour a different kind of email arrives for me. This one is not filled with joy. This one is filled with a series of stupid questions. So many stupid questions that for a moment I thought I was being telemarketed. 

For example:

"Whereabouts in document XYZ can I find the section which outlines the client's requirements?"

My answer comes in two parts:

a) It's on page 3, after the Table of Contents
b) It's in the same place you left it 2 weeks ago when you wrote the document.

Welcome back, Edwina. I hope you had a pleasant flight.

Neighbours

If you click Next Blog» at the top of this page, you are taken to somewhere quite random.

It's like the faraway tree ... you never know which new land will appear ... but you are very fucking glad you don't have live to there.

Until now. I just jumped on the Next Blog» and was sent back to Vietnam to this place

I am proud to live on the same street as this slogan.

I just made the mistake of clicking on it again and found Stacey's profile. In case you didn't realise, she lives in the midwest:

"Claiming my fair share of webspace, my kenzie's doodles site chronicles the journey in life with our daughter. Mama's Doodles is the outlet for my pent up creativity. Together, we enjoy making each day artful. These sites represent our daily doodles..."

I don't know if I want Stacey dead first, or dear kenzie.  My vote is on kenzie. She may be innocent but you need to cut this breeding off at the knees. It's like paying more at Coles for the cockroach baits with contraceptives in them. You're not shutting the door.