Star of David

I've only managed to complete 3 of my language lessons. This is due to my recent travel schedule. That's what I tell myself and what I tell Hoa (my teacher). Hoa she doesn't seem too fussed. Hoa has done her fair share of postponing. In the past 2 months I have received about 5 late-landing sms's along the following line:

"hi anh anthony. am tired 2day so maybe not possible 2 do lesson".

The sms has to be written in English, which reflects poorly on both of us.

Nevertheless, I've been reading ahead in the book. Hoa's course is full of dialogue practice. She features as the primary Vietnamese character in most of it. This makes each lesson feel somewhat homemade - on the sweeter side of twee. It does, however, make me wonder how the University of Hanoi has found itself on the cover of the book and in the header of each page. Has the University of Hanoi really sanctioned Hoa to produce her own plays, photocopy them and schlep them out to potatoes for $9/hour? If things go sour between us I think I'll dob her in. Let her face a different type of sanction. I don't think that will happen because we meet so infrequently that there is little opportunity for a falling out. And besides I like her, even though (especially because?) she gets the giggles when I make mistakes.

Nevertheless, I've been reading ahead in the book. I am looking forward to lesson 6, which ends thus:

Anh: David, I'd like to introduce you Hoa!

David: Hello, Hoa, nice to meet you!

Hoa: Hello David, nice to meet you too! How long have you been in Vietnam?

David: 3 months.

Hoa: Are you here in Vietnam for holidays?

David: No. I work here.

Hoa: How is life in Vietnam?

David: Quite cheap.

Planting the FO squarely up SFO

Sometimes I get something so bizarre that it makes my day. This email was sent to our entire Vietnamese organisation this morning ... all 500 or so peeps.

Subject: San Francisco China Town versus Vietnam

Dear all,

Have you ever been in San Francisco, the beautiful city by the bay?

How about China Town in San Francisco? Exciting and Fun, is it?

You may ask the police and people there and they will not admit it; but the district of China Town has been skillfully, stealthily infiltrated by the underworld crime lords, their secret societies, and notorious street gangs.

Long ago... due to my line of work, I often mixed in with them, understood them, and realized how fascinating, disciplined, and organized their world could be. There were unwritten laws and rules to be followed, and access control codes to be obeyed by all members of a particular gang, which have absolutely no tolerance, but only brutal punishment to its violators.

Fortunately, our own access rules and procedures are much more respectful, gentler, and easier to follow.

I am sure you agree with me, by reading the attached document, that delicate, law-abiding, and well mannered people like us can outperform those wise guys from the mean streets of San Francisco.

This email was sent by Giang, our National Security Manager. I thank her for sharing these details of her former life ... learning, living and lurking in the darkest corners of San Francisco ... wilfully lowering herself into the dirtiest abyss of humankind. I also feel secure in the knowledge that Giang is racist against Chinese people and was prepared to look as far as San Francisco to find an example of their nastiness.

Like many such emails, the wording is intended to introduce the attached document and give ALL employees a reason to open it. Worked for me. The document itself is a 6-page procedure on how to gain access to a company building:

Part 1 shows how to enter the building. It tells you how the swipe cards have inbuilt chips. They must be held up against rectangular panels in order to open automated sliding glass doors. The image shows a woman's hand (French Finish) inserting an ancient metal key into an old wooden door.

Part 2 shows what your employee or visitor card could look like (6 different types, 3 different colours). Lots of images across 4 pages.

Part 3 outlines the procedure for signing in visitors. This must be the part where we stop Chinese people from entering.