Underneath Her Wimple

Maria returned to work on Tuesday but I didn't see her.

On Wednesday I ran into her outside the lifts on Level 18. Before I could open my mouth, she slugged me with a couple of verbal warnings:

"So Mr Anthony you didn't tell me if you wanted to cancel your flight to Malaysia tomorrow."

--"Yes I did. I told you that alr―"

"So please confirm by 5pm today please because the travel people need to know and then confirm the tickets."

-- "Yes Maria I already told you to―"

"Thanks Mr Anthony because it's important right?"

-- "Well it's important but it doesn't make any s―"

"So OK then Mr Anthony you understand now? 5pm right?"

-- "Yes Maria."

To an untrained observer this conversation sounds like simple filler. However, Maria operates on multiple levels and this is her poly filler. I would summarise her technique as follows:

1. Re-establish relationship with the Target via a prior, shared event. Any event will do.
2. Confuse the Target by construing this event into a new and complicated issue.
3. Create mild alarm by insinuating that Target's plans may now fall apart due to various oversights related to this issue.
4. Create guilt by implying that the Target is completely responsible for causing all of these problems.
5. Build trust by forgiving the Target
6. Build dependency by appearing to be the only person who is acting solely in the Target's best interests.
7. Create shared goals with the Target, by suggesting actions which require cooperation between bot hof you to resolve this problem.
8. Create dependency - you are the Target's only link to the outside world and to the resolution of this "problem".
9. Create time pressures so that Target has a sense of urgency to act on this issue, above all others.
10. Use continued talking and asking questions to distract the Target, so that he doesn't have time to think.
11. Waste enough time on this new issue, such that previous issues (eg "diarrhoea") become redundant.
12. By following the above, the Target is kept in a constant state of intimidation.

Being familiar Maria's techniques, I stayed calm. Most of this didn't work on me ... except for the part at the end where I didn't feel it was relevant to ask after her health. So come to think of it, all of this worked on me.

I changed the subject. She had straightened her hair and it suited her.

"Hey Maria you've changed your hair!"

-- "Yes well I was too sick of being ..." [She stopped and waved her hands around her head, like it was a crystal ball.]

"Being what? What do you mean?"

-- "I don't know. Messy. Like a lion." [As she said 'lion', she waved her hands briefly around her ears]

"Oh. So you bought a straightener then?"

-- "No. No straightener. I got it all done properly. It was a nightmare. I was 6 hours in the salon."

"Wow! 6 hours. That's crazy. Did you get a break?"

-- "No. 6 hours in that chair." [She rolled her eyes as she shook her head, reliving the pain and frustration.]

"Well it was worth it. It suits you."

She smiled insincerely, turned on her heel and marched to her desk.

I was left feeling weakened and confused. How would someone suffering diarrhoea sit in a hairdresser's chair for 6 hours, getting her hair straightened? And why am I too frightened to say anything?