This is probably the same reason why so many potatoes ride motorbikes without helmets. It is now law in Vietnam and the locals all wear helmets themselves but the potatoes often don't, which makes them stand out even more. Indeed, the range of helmets in Vietnam is quite incredible including Burberry, Bumble Bee and Vietcong styles. The helmets themselves can even be accessorised, and I'm not talking about a sticker. You can buy these clip-ons which can turn your helmet into a pretty floral summer hat. I pulled up at the traffic lights today next to a girl who—from the helmet up—could have been on her way to a Renoir party. But just imagine how she would feel if it starting hailing during the party? I can see her there now, sitting smugly, hailstones bouncing off her summer hat while lesser mortals scramble for cover.
Back to the bong.
R has become addicted. He has started frequenting a particular bar called Fusion where the shisha is supposedly second to none (all in the coals, apparently: you need to change them caringly and often). He's there every night and twice on weekends and I am NOT exaggerating.
This is also the bar where they call me Hitler, so I'm obviously not feeling left out at all.
Anyway, R started making a daily trip there on the basis that "their wifi is very good", that "it's just much easier to focus" when he has to work at night and and and ... I mean, meh. So I lifted up my chin, took a deep breath, filled my lungs with second-hand smoke and announced that he was experiencing an addiction to tobacco. (One doesn't suffer an addiction as fantastic as smoking.)
R was very adamant that while the smoking was pleasurable, the environment was the lure. And boy oh boy did he desperately cling to this flimsy Ambience Defence. But I saw some cracks in the dam wall so kept tapping away until he was in the office last weekend and contacted me on Skype.
R:OMG. I just heard that A made a huge fuck-up on the software development without telling anybody
Me: huh? what does that mean?
R: A has just pushed all these errors under the rug without telling anyone and now it's becoming a deadline issue.
R: Edwina discovered it
R: She licked all the skin off her lips as she told me
Me: why did he cover it up though?
Me: were the errors spotted by anyone else before now?
Me: did she REALLY lick her lips alot when telling you?
R: his reasons were that the errors were 'just how we work'
R: YES
R: it was horrible
R: she was so proud of herself
Me: anyway please don't get involved in this. It will just suck up your time and is not your problem.
R: I know.
R: i feel like working at fusion
Me: go and do it then.
Me: what would it matter where you are working?
R: it would be far more comfortable
Me: agreed. then go.
R: it doesn't really matter, you're right.
R: testing looks like it is in hand
Me: it's probably more valuable for you to leave than to stay.
Me: you can focus better
Me: i really think you should go to now
R: cool
Me: take the oppty while the people are out at lunch.
Me: it's important to focus.
R: ok
Me: you've got a lot to do
R: thanks boss
Me: and there is a risk of getting distracted there in the office
Me: seriously - it's a much better environment to churn through your work.
R: then my boss said - "go to fusion and smoke sheesha" and i said - sure boss
R: it isn't distracting at all there
Me: you know what's so funny though?
R: what?
Me: how happy you are that you think i really believe all that shit i just said
Me: how you think i'm finally convinced about all your crap about going to fusion for the work
R: huh?
Me: so convinced by your stirring logic that i'm now sprouting my own lines of support …
R: fuck you
Me: what rubbish.
R: are you taking the piss?
Me: you were lapping it up because you wanted to believe it!!!
Me: read back our dialogue
R: whatever
R: you are an egg
Me: what I wrote is my idea of what YOU would want me to think, but not what I think at all
R: i hate you
Me: i don't blame you for wanting to believe it
Me: did you read back?
R: yes
Me: are you going red?
R: YES
Me: haha
R: i thought it was a bit unusual
Me: yes but you WANTED to believe it didn't you?
R: yes.......
Me: your head was overwhelmed by your heart
Me: the endorphins that my words were releasing ... the pleasure ...
R: you fucked with me
R: hahaha
Me: ... all finally seemed rigiht with the world
R: the birds were chirping
Me: it all seemed so right.
R: you were right though. i should go
Me: well of course you have my full support as you know
Me: i've really enjoyed this chat.
R: i'm glad you got something out of it
Me: so did you.
Me: ... for just a brief while ...
R: emotional peaks and troughs
R: a bit of tension. resolution.
R: not a bad thing
Me: ... you got to experience a perfect moment
Me: hold on to that part.
R: you are so proud of yourself
Me: no R
Me: i'm proud of you.
R: whatever
R: go away
Me: good answer tough guy
R: gotta run. I need a smoke.
Me: derrr
Since then he's come out as a nicotine addict.
