I bought my Blackberry at the end of May. In mid June I asked Maria to connect it to my work email.
This process requires Maria to navigate some red tape.. I'm not saying it's difficult ... but it requires a few extra steps.
And Maria hates steps.
So here we are at the end of November and it is still still not done. A few weeks ago, I put some heat on Maria to close it out. By "heat", I mean emails littered with "pleases" and "thank yous" because it's Maria we're talking about.
As a result of this heat, The Blackberry has usurped The Expenses as Maria's number 1 subject of choice to interrupt me with ... the interruptions she barks out through lift doors and in passing, to stop me asking what she's doing away from her desk.
"Hi Maria how are you?"
-- "Good Mr Anthony. How are you?"
"I'm well. Actually this morning I sent you a note--"
-- "Your Blackberry!! Mr Anthony!! Your Blackberry!!"
And so on and so forth. We all know how it goes by now.
Over the months I have become so tired with the Blackberry topic that I can only chase her up on it intermittently. I've now run out of Valium so can only follow up on these matters after a good night's sleep. And after all, expenses had been dominating our relationship until recently.
This morning was one such occasion. I dug up an old email from Maria from a few weeks ago and tried to follow the instructions she had sent me.
I clicked on the link she sent me. Again.
It still didn't work so I promptly called Maria. I explained to her that my link didn't work. Again.
She chirpily replied that she would be done to see it. I tried to stop her - to tell her that it was the same blank screen she saw last time - but she had already hung up. Maria likes to see things in person: it's a trip away from her desk.
17 minutes later she arrived at my desk stinking of 2 cigarettes, smoked in quick succession. She hovered over me as I clicked on the link. My eyes watered and a blank screen appeared.
"That doesn't work Mr Anthony." Her diagnosis was instant and confident.
-- "You don't say." I mumbled to myself inaudibly ... the whispered retort of the weak.
Maria feigned shock at this outcome, said she would get right onto it and wandered away to the lift. Even though the lift is less than 15 metres from me, I noticed her stop for a chat a couple of times and wondered how many facebook friends she has.
2 hours later I contacted her for a progress report. Her response was self-explanatory:
"On Nov 10, Ipshita of India said they were going to investigate your case but nothing happened after that."
It seems that Ipshita has fucked up my Blackberry. It's not every day that you get to say that: Ipshita must have heard that Dirty Keith had returned to Singapore, spotted an opening and jumped into it.
I am now faced with 2 options - do I ask Maria to continue with her investigations, or contact this young Ipshita upstart myself?
The question seems to answer itself.
