One of my Vietnamese colleagues walked past my desk yesterday afternoon and casually said:
"Hey Anthony. I heard you didn't catch someone in the training session last week and he fell off the table."
That translates to:
"Stupid fat potato didn't pay attention and the nice man got hurt."
I felt like an exhibit at the War Museum - my potato actions reported back with a heavy bias to a willing audience.
I thought to myself "Is this how it's being retold?" ... while saying to him "Umm ... that's really not the way it happened."
But he was already walking away smiling. I was too late.
He didn't need to stop for an explanation from me. He didn't need one. A new truth had ridden into town, and he had hitched his wagon to it.
As he left me I heard him muttering (over his breath)"Wow That must have hurt a lot ..." and then giggle slightly as he shook his head.
I just sat there with a stunned look on my face. I knew this look. It was the look of one who has just fallen backwards off a table and onto the floor without being caught.
2. Spiders are all my fault
Last week I was talking with Huong, who works in HR. We were talking about geckos (as you do) and I mentioned that I'd never seen a spider here in Hanoi.
Turns out, says Huong, that the only spiders here are small and harmless but people are still scared of them. I talked about how big and ugly the Huntsmen spiders are in Australia and showed her a photo on Google images.
At this point Huong looked up at me with an admonishing look on her face:
H: "Why do you let them get so big?"
Me: "What do you mean?"
H: "In Vietnam we would never let spiders become so big. We would kill it when it is small."
Me: "This is a different type of spider. Some spiders in Australia are big."
H: [ignoring me] "So why you don't kill it when it's small?"
I felt like I was being accused of being lazy; or careless.
Me: [defensively] "It's not my fault." [And then after regaining my composure.] "Are you really saying it's my fault that the spiders are so big? They are in the trees when they are small."
Even I realised how silly I was sounding. But I wanted to see how this would play out.
H: "Trees? Hmm ... yes maybe ... but still ... this would never happen in Vietnam. "
[She stopped a while. I tough she was reflecting but later realised she was just summoning back the admonishment.]
H: "We would never let it happen are little people and we don't let things grow big. But you are western. So big. So potato ..."
It's all my fault that Huntsmen spiders are so big and ugly.
Sorry everyone.
