Go Ricky
Yes I, too, prefer young Ricky's blog (one to the right of mine). She leads such a happy, fun-filled childhood with sweetness and light and happy friends that leave her messages after school and help with her homework. I never have never imagined a life like that when I was 15. Thank fuck.
I kinda wish Ricky had a chat section so Anonymous Josh and I could go in and make her friends cry.
Go Edwina
Yes I did phase out Edwina. Last week. I just couldn't take it anymore. After a couple of weeks of her, I couldn't see a funny side to this train wreck.
I did it gently (I am sure she felt no pain). No showdowns. No animosity. I'm the first one to give direct feedback, but no it it won't be understood. If someone really isn't going to take any value from it at all, then save your breath. I think that's why I'm really fussy in restaurants at home when they know, and I know they know, and they know I know they know. Contrast that with my passive, smiling obsequious little nodding routine last night when I dropped a chopstick on the floor and the waitress grabbed it and stabbed it straight back into my noodles. "Cảm ơn" I said in my best Vietnamese accent, as I hunted for a third chopstick and tried to mentally isolate the contaminated noodle area.
So back to Edwina. The phasing out went something like this:
Firstly I eased her out of my communications loop. Email history will show that she started moving, slowly right, along the To: section of my emails. She then gently dropped down into the Cc: section. Then she found herself gradually travelling east along the cc: section as well. Until she fell off the end. I didn't hear a thing and I'm sure she felt no pain.
Just like Zorro, she cut a Z (albeit a slow Z) and then she was gone.
Secondly I replaced her role. I found a private contractor I'd worked with before and lobbied locked in a much lower rate and a smaller expenses policy.
Thirdly I ensured she was not in any critical roles and that all documentation was handed over to other people.
At this stage I think the client was getting sick of her condescending speech and body language so they didn't want to deal with her anyway. This is an real-life example of some small talk:
"Did [surprised face]
You [points finger at them, squints]
See [points finger at right eyes and then from there points back at them]
Me [points back at her neck]
At Shop [a very odd mime, as if she's paying for stuff at the checkout with several credit cards]
This [points at knee]
Morning [both palms out and held up, for some reason, while her head is tilted to the side and she smiles.].
This is usually followed by an explanation of what was bought. Often a bottle of water or some chewing gum.
Finally, I ensured her current contract was not renewed.
This sounds so much meaner than it was. It's actually just normal succession planning. When there's dead wood, someone has to reach for the matches. It's nothing personal. Of course, if it was personal I probably would have done the same thing. But it wasn't. I think. No. It wasn't. I work in technology - being a social misfit is the norm.
Anyway, the girl had to go.
Or so I thought.
Turns out Edwina found something to do with all that time I freed up for her, didn't she? She wrote a proposal to the Senior Partner, didn't she? And what did it say? Oh ... you know ... what her future role should be on the project ... how much value she would add ... all the good work she would be doing help us "drive it home" (her words) ... and so on. As I read it, I started to feel convinced; even touched by her dedication. Even a little ashamed of myself. At one point, in the section where she talked about applying architecturally sound principles in end-to-end requirements mapping, I almost wept.
Almost.
Of course I pulled myself together with an "I'll be fucked if she's coming back under my budget." and the old staple, "No amount of fucking requirements mapping can give someone attention to detail." But for a brief moment I was touched.
I realise that by now there's nothing I can do. She's slipped under the radar. Edwina is coming back. The juggernaut has slipped its moorings. And Edwina will be back for a long time. And nothing will ever be the same again.
