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27 April 2009

The Forest from the Trees

In Vietnam most people's names have at least two meanings. The first meaning is normally stuff like dragon, equality, intelligence, flower and the like. The second meaning is turning out to be far more interesting and I have becoming a bit annoying in my quest for knowledge. 

At the restaurant last night:

"Nhong. Is that your name? Nhong? What does Nhong mean?"

-- "It means flower. A special flower [points] ... like this one. But not yellow. Dark red."

"Rose?"

-- "Yes. A rose. But not yellow ... red. Dark red. Dark red rose."

"What else does it mean?"

-- "Nothing. Just a flower."

"No other meaning?"

 -- "No. Just red rose."

Bullshit, I think to myself ... I bet it means washing machine; or tampon.

15 minutes later Lâm came to take my order:

"Lâm? How do I say that? Lââââm. 

-- "Yes.  Lâm. Correct."

"What does it mean? What does Lâm mean in Vietnamese?"

-- "It means forest".

"Forest? Oh. Forest. Very nice. Does it mean something else in Vietnamese? What is the other meaning?"

-- "Many trees."

"Oh."

The Socialist Surgeon General

As part of my work permit application I need to have a medical from an approved clinic in Hanoi, of which there are two. In addition, Work Visa Medicals needed to be conducted by a Vietnamese doctor. It’s the law.

I booked in last Thursday. The first part of the medical involved a very friendly nurse laughing at every result: blood pressure; pulse, height, weight, eyesight. She giggled as she wrote down every result, which I found to be quite alarming. After the first couple of giggles I attempted some meek enquiries: “What? What? Is everything OK?” to which she chuckled “Yes. All OK.”

The second part involved a blood test and a privacy waiver. On the waiver, just before my signature, was the following warning: “If you are HIV positive this may create problems for your Vietnam visa, as well as in your general life.”

I was then sent for a chest xray, then a tap-the-hammer-on-the-knee-and-nod-sternly inspection from Doctor Gioung. Then I was released back into the wild.

Later that afternoon when I was back at work I received a giggling call on my mobile: "Hello? Hello? Yes this is Anh. You forgot to give urine. Please drink lots of water and come back."

Cool Flower

"Sorry - what was your name again?"

-- "Hoa"

"How do you say that?"

-- "Hoa ... Hoa ... with flat tone ... HHooaa"

"Hoa ... Hoa ... like this ... HHooaa? That's a lovely name. Does it mean anything in Vietnamese?"

-- "Yes. Two meanings. The first meaning is flower."

"Oh. That's very nice. What's the second meaning?"

-- "Second meaning is air conditioning"

"Oh."