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25 April 2009

Potatospeak

Atkins Diet
The Atkins Diet is a period of time when the potato decides he or she doesn’t want any more potato in his life. They start hanging out only with locals, eating local food and hating anything which contains potato. When the diet fails (as it inevitably does) this potato bounces back with a vengeance. You often see lapsed Atkins Diet potatoes having lunch at Hard Rock Cafés.

Bubble and Squeak. 
Old, ugly potato leftovers who have found their second helping. Bubble and Squeak can be found throughout Vietnam and in nearly all dishes, one needs to combine an old potato with a young and beautiful local girl. This girl, while hungry, was not around for last night's feast so does not necessarily view the old potato is second hand. Following marriage and a series of interviews with Australian Immigration, B+S eventually becomes Potato Whip.

Fauxtato
A SE Asian person who studied overseas and arrives back home fatter, whiter and westerner. The fauxtato no longer likes local food, instead espousing a preference for hamburgers and imported beer. The fauxtato, who has forgotten their own culture, attempts to follow road rules by stopping at red lights and indicating when changing lanes. They are often spotted in late-night bars drinking Heineken and complaining about their fucking country in very poor English.