First Written Warning

Not yet 24 hours and I've been served my first written warning. By hand, no less.

[Knock Knock]

I bend down to look into the peep hole and the security guard is standing there brandishing paper. Firstly yes, I have to lean down because everything here is build on the assumption that I'm 5 foot 3. Secondly, I open the door and the paper turns out to be a typed letter. Highlights as follows:

SOCIALIST REPUBLIC OF VIET NAM

Independent  --  Freedom  -- Happiness

[My face pretends it is studying the page, but my mind  wanders disobediently  ... Wouldn't "Independence" sound better ...? Or perhaps a "Free"/"Happy" combo would sound fresher and contemporary ...? No, "Independence" is better ... more befitting of a governmental department.]

PAYMENT APOINTMENT MINUTE

[One typo didn't keep me interested for long.]

Today, 28th March 2009

We are Hoa Ngoc  Development Co., Ltd.

Herein referred to as the Party A

[Well that's just plain cute, isn't it?]

Party B [that's me] should pay Party A the apratment deposit and apartment Rent right after hand-over the apartment.

Because of some personal reasons, Party B [yep, me!] have just requested to put off all these payment above. The deadline for payment will be on 3rd April 2009.

[Personal reasons? I fail to see how "give me your bank details please" are personal reasons.]

Confirmed by Party A

[His signature, in pen]

Confirmed by Party B

[I fetched my special Stilnox pen for the occasion, signed it and wrote "I am waiting for your bank details, dipstick" underneath. I have the security guard the papers, he returned one of them, and departed with a pleased look on his face.  I have my suspicions about this government; you mark my words.]

Zayafka

No Tax 4 U!

Late landing request from the landlord about my rent. I can either:

a) pay it to an account in the US; or

b) open a special US-dollar bank account in Vietnam and give him power of attorney to withdraw from it.

Apparently my fantastic negotiation skills on Thursday had me agree to one of these options. 

I'm going with a).

This will no doubt end in tears. Mine.

Let me go on the record though, that I will Deep Throat this rhinestone-studded landlord if he crosses me ... even at the risk of Ben giggling at the DT entendre.