God Help the Tater That Comes Between Me and My Tater Hater

Tater Hater

A Tater Hater is someone who clearly does not like potatoes in their country and makes no effort to pretend otherwise.

Pity the potato who tries too hard with the TH.

On encountering a TH, most potatoes initially react by overcompensatory techniques such as smiling too much. Other reactions include overuse of polite words in the local language, or attempts overtipping, or stooping too low when asking for something, or even trying to keep the table tidy. At all thse attempts, the TH remains completely unmoved.

Tater Haters usually work in restaurants or cafes. They are typically over 50, short, very slim and have black teeth. Attire often includes a faded floral print (women) or very high pants (men). When raining it is not unusual for a pot-hater to afix a plastic bag over their head, particularly when working in a street food stalls.

Within at their workplace, the TH will be extremely friendly to all customers until confronted with a potato. In this situation, they will respond to all questions or actions in the same way: by becoming completely expressionless and staring right through the potato.

The TH will nearly always take a very long time to hear you ask for the bill, but then return your change to you as quickly as possible so that you can leave ... they nearly always prefer a quick departure to a good tip.