It Only Smarts At First

Thanks to one of the most famous Bollywood films of all time, my first name is easily understood by all Indians and all their neighbours, including their enemies.

Uncanny likeness. es.

Thanks to Anthony Hopkins, the rest of the world seems to understand my name on first attempt. The "th" sound is sometimes a bit wet, but most people are still heading in the right direction.

I realise how much easier this makes my life when I hear the Pauls or Pats trying to introduce themselves. They quickly learn to respond to Born or Bat, respectively. I shudder to think what Lionels would do here: no wonder I've never met one.

Another benefit of my name is that I think I am our only employee in this region to be called Anthony, which saves me a surname. However, I work quite closely with another Anthony who is based in Ireland.

Yesterday in the office I heard the word "Anthony" bob up out of a sea of Indonesian words. I naturally thought they were referring to me and interrupted thus:

F: "Gobul Guk Gobul Anthony Guk Gobul Guk Anthony Gobul Guk Gobul"

Me: [looks up] "Huh? What? Did someone say my name?"

F: "Oh we're not talking about you ... we're talking about other Anthony"

Me: "Who? What. Other. Antho--?"

F: "You know. The one from Ireland."

A few weeks ago Irish Anthony had mentioned that he was visiting Singapore and asked if he should pop across to Jakarta. I booked him in to deliver some training. I was in India and missed him.

Me: "Oh! That's right - he was here last week right? Hey how was the training? Was it good? He's a really smart guy isn't he?"

F: "Yes. Very good. Yeah he's smart. Hey - so we don't mix you up - we should call him Smart Anthony."

Me: "Oh. Really? Then what would you call me?"

F: "You're Dumb Anthony."

Me: "Really? That's why I get?"

F: "Smart Anthony travels the world, doing his own thing, plenty of time to create pretty presentations for me to copas. Dumb Anthony works more and gets paid less. More pay and less work ... that's pretty smart, no?"

Me: "I suppose so. But why do I need to be Dumb Anthony?"

F: "That's all we have left. Smart Anthony and Dumb Anthony."

Me: "Oh."

F: "And we already met Smart Anthony last week, as you know ..."

Me: "All Irishmen are drunks and liars."

F: "Maybe. Anyway I'm running late to a meeting now. OK so see you later, Dumb Anthony."

Me: "See you later."

As he walked away I heard him mumble "Dumb Anthony" to himself under his breath ... then shake his head and chuckle.