07 June 2011

Mrs Brady

The only thing shocking about this article is that Edna, at 80, had access to $57,000. I mean ... look at her. Just look at her.

If she has $57,000 then of course she's a sitting duck. I could shake that thing down for cash in 2 minutes with some smelling salts and a bag of compliments. Quack quack.

Edna should be thankful that these "Indians" didn't come over and knock her out. Or off.

"Edna Sloan, 80, lost $57,000 to elaborate Indian scammers."

This caption underneath the photo is completely misleading:
  1. It claims that Edna "lost" this money. This is not true. She didn't leave it on a bus. She didn't make choices on the ponies. She tossed it across the Indian Ocean like a hot potato.
  2. It calls the Indian scammers "elaborate". There's nothing "elaborate" about telling Edna to keep her trap shut ... it's the oldest trick in the paedophile book. Moreover, Indian scammers should be ashamed of themselves for being a bunch of lazy amateurs with poor attention to detail. I mean ... Edna still has a large floral couch. And I see a microwave back there in the distance. A professional wouldn't have left a skerick. Elaborate my arse.
  3. How do we even know that the scammers were Indian? It is tempting to blame Indian telemarketers for all ills, but doesn't it all sound a little clich├ęd? Dennis was too quick to point his grimy little index finger at India. I wonder if Edna's immediate family was properly questioned by the police? What's to stop Dennis from using an Indian accent to scam Edna out of a few grand? He knows the target ... her weak points ... and the old girl would have been so thrown by the accent that she wouldn't even notice an accidental "Mum" from time to time.
  4. What are those documents she's holding? The transcripts of her bank transfers? Can't be. Look at the page on the top - it's not a bank transfer. Someone plopped some old bank statements into her hands for the photo shoot and Edna once again just did what some stranger told her to do.
I prefer this slogan:
"Edna Sloan gave $57,000 to her son Dennis, an Indian impersonator"

But most of all I am suspicious of Edna. By the age of 80, people are either very rich or financially fucked. Edna's hair clearly proves the latter. So where did this money come from? And why was it sitting in a bank, doing nothing? This is the type of geriatric selfishness that would force her own children to take what's theirs. Just as God intended.

Let this serve as a word of warning to Cheesel:

When this happens to you old girl - and you mark my words it will - don't expect to be left there sitting on a luxurious floral couch, entertaining the media (and me) in a dated white twin-set. There will be no couch and no microwave. And no documentary evidence.

You'll be left on a plastic stool, dressed in a ratty tracksuit, eating slops.

I can see it now.

No, I really can:
Cheesel, December 2009, Barbecue Restaurant, 47 Ma Mai, Hanoi


Cheesel said...

I cannot believe firstly, that the money disappeared in that way and secondly, that you would show the restaurant in Hanoi where you took your mother for dinner.

SinBBQ said...

Well it's a day of firsts for you then, isn't it?