I stayed at the Taj Hotel, Mumbai, as a new year treat to myself. It was their first week opening after the terrorist attacks and they seemed tense. Tense and heavily armed.
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Thursday, 1 Jan 2009
I have to work today because I am a contractor with no holidays. I decide to stay at the hotel and an extra night have booked a car to leave at 7 to guarantee that I am not late to a very important meeting at 10.
In any case, our project is so busy that everyone said they will have to come in on Friday as well.
The Taj concierges assures me that Mumbai's notorious traffic will be subdued tomorrow because "so many people are staying home for the long weekend, so the trip will be a maximum 2 hours and a half."
Friday, 2 Jan 2009, my first work day of 2009
06:55 I check out and they give me the driver's phone number. I call him and he says, 'Oh yes, no problem Mr Anthony, welcome to India, I am there in 5 minutes'.
07:10 The driver has not arrived. I try calling him again, twice, but he does not pick up. I assume he is parking.
07:14 Driver arrives and goes through the extensive security at the Taj rather than just calling me to come out.
07:17 We leave the hotel and set off for Pune.
07:18 We drive around the corner and stop to get petrol. I wonder why the he had waited until I was in the car for this event. (Do I need to pay? Should I tip someone? Should I get out and help?)
No help is needed from me.
07:23 Driver stops at a public urinal, those ones where the barrier is at chest height and offers the public the vista of a row of heads. I wonder again why he had not managed managed this before picking me up.
08:01 We stop for a coffee break. I don't need a coffee and didn't ask for one. I wonder again why he didn't just ... never mind. I think I'm getting the hang of this.
08:28 Driver stops on highway and gets out and turns his back to me. No explanation is provided in advance but his motive becomes obvious when I spot a stream of piss heading across from his body to what is best described as an al fresco urinal.
09.55 We arrive at the office. I am just in time for the meeting and run into the building.
I sign in at the lobby using a special book called 'CONTRATORS'. As with every other morning in 2008, my sign-in process is supervised by a friendly, thin, moustachioed man who helpfully reminds me (tapping gently on my hand with a disappointed smile) that I am left-handed.
10:00 I seat myself in the meeting room. No one has turned up early so I am the first to be seated.
10:15 No one has turned up.
10:25 Still no one. I check my Outlook calendar invitation and the attendee confirmations before heading out in search of my posse.
10.29 I find one of the invited people ("A") and ask if we are still having our meeting. A wishes me a Very Happy New Year! and asks all about my trip to Mumbai. He continues with a few follow-up questions and then offers some observations about life in Mumbai. A seems in no rush to discuss or join the meeting so I eventually interrupt him to remind him, again, that we have a 10 o'clock meeting. He looks officiously and sternly at his watch, feigns shock, tells me he will go and get the others 'straight away' for our meeting and heads off.
10.32 I return to the room to wait.
10:40 No one has turned up.
10:55 Still no one.
11:00 Still no one.
I abandon the meeting and return to my desk.
I remember that I need to send some documents to the other office so rush out to book a courier. The secretary helps me with this and tells me she'll give me a shout when the courier arrives ... and that it shouldn't be long.
I ask her for a rough estimate and she smiles as she wobbles her head assuredly, offering "In some time".
11:50 I find A walking past my desk.
More small talk ensues, this time about my stay here in Pune ... whether I have seen much in the area, possible sightseeing options for the weekend, and then of people in Calcutta that I could contact if I decided to go there (I have never mentioned Calcutta so assume he is originally from there).
It is as if our previous encounter this morning had never happened.
I remind him about our 10am meeting and ask when we could have it. He says very confidently "I will go and get the others now" with a slight head wobble on 'others now,' but no stern look at his watch this time.
We agree to reconvene in the original meeting room so I head back there to wait.
12:20 I'm still in the meeting room, alone.
12:30 No one has arrived so I duck out to check on the courier.
He should be here by 2pm, I am told.
I make a mental note that some time means 3 hours. Indians use special words for numbers, like Lakh for 10 thousand and crore for 10 million, so why not some time for 3 hours?
12:57 Someone walks into the room and I feel elated.
"B" greets me with a "Hi Anthony. Happy New Year!" He remains standing as he launches into some more small talk about Mumbai and Indian food.
After a couple of minutes I find a gap while he draws breath and use it to remind him of our 10am meeting. He counters with ´Let's have the meeting at 2pm. We will go through everything then´.
13:15 I go back to my desk and fill in my time by typing and looking busy in that honed manner of a consultant on a day rate with no work.
13:58 I return to the meeting room for my 10am 2pm meeting.
14:15 No one has turned up.
14:20 "C" walks in and introduces himself. I've never met him before so our small talk takes on an elementary flavour: I am from Sydney, arrived last Sunday, yes I do like Indian food, no it's not too spicy, no I haven't had a chance to go to the nearby waterfall yet, yes and thanks for that advice it's a great idea.
He tells me that B is on his way and suggests that we should wait here in the room. I realise that C is not on the meeting attendee list but am thankful that he came anyway.
14:25 I dash out to tell the secretary where I will be when the courier arrives and to ask what is taking him so long? I am told that he should be here by 3pm.
14:30 It doesn't seem like B is coming back so I start the meeting by introducing myself to the sole attendee, C, by covering my background and reasons for the meeting.
14:31 B walks in and interrupts my introduction to announce that we can now start the meeting.
I ask about A. He mentions that it will just be C and him, as A is not in the office at the moment because he "has to be somewhere else". I ask where, and why, but I can't understand the mumbled answer and don't want him to repeat it all again; we've wasted enough time already.
B assures me that we should start ... that it won't be a problem as we three can cover everything.
14:32 I feel a mild sense of exhilaration as our 10am meeting kicks off.
I introduce myself again to B and C and outline the purpose of the meeting.
14:34 B interrupts me to explain that this is not really their area of expertise and we should probably grab A for this type of thing.
I remind them that A is not available and they respond with a head wobble. C suggests I speak to another person, D, who is not on the original attendee list. B excuses himself from the 'meeting' and goes to fetch D.
14:35 I'm left in the room with C. He seems to have settled in quite well; this man who was not invited to the meeting in which C himself has just confirmed he doesn't belong.
C starts to run through a list of Indian food items that I have never heard of and checks which ones I have tried yet. Each time I say 'no' he gives a detailed explanation of the item and how it is cooked and where is the best place to buy it. I start lying by using 'yes' and he is impressed.
We shift things back to work topics. C gives me some background about what he's doing here on the project. Out of politeness, I ask him a polite follow-up question about this irrelevant (to me) work that he is describing and he replies that he is probably not the best person to answer it. C suggests that, luckily for me there another person, E, who can answer this. I try to tell him that it's not important and not relevant to this meeting, but C is already on his way out the door to fetch E. C ya later!
I'm alone again.
14:45 B comes back with D.
D turns out to be the person I needed to meet all along.
He seems quite busy yet still quite happy to spend an hour or two with me. Or maybe even three. Time appears to be in plentiful. I start to introduce myself to D, including my background and reasons for this meeting.
14:47 C comes back with E and interrupts my introduction. He introduces me to E and I politely suggest that we will get to that topic later, reinforcing the purpose of this meeting.
C and E seem happy with this and each find a comfortable seat at the table.
For the next 10 mins or so, D is involved and engaged in the meeting (and is clearly the right person). C and E listen intently and seem interested. I start to think that they might even have value being here with us a clear sign that the madness of Lear is descending on me.
14:58 D asks me a question about my report and, as I begin to respond, he gets a call and answers it.
While D is on his call, I to turn to E and let him know this meeting could go for a while—possibly a couple of hours—so perhaps I could catch up with him later rather than keep him any longer?
He asks me to firstly give a brief overview of why I needed to meet him in the first place and it feels like he is blaming me for wasting his time. I turn to C, who is playing with his phone and not listening. I politely mumble some made-up reason before we swap numbers and I promise to call him back this afternoon.
15:00 D is now off his call. We continue the meeting and it actually becomes very productive.
16:10. As the meeting is coming to a close, I make a fatal error. I ask D a side question and he tells me that he probably isn't the best person to answer this as he gets up from his seat. I try to wave him back, but he ignores my hands and continues by suggesting that I need to be introduced to F, who I absolutely need to catch up with. He gives me the details of F and promises to chase him up. I try to stop him leaving and notice a shrill, desperate tone in my voice.
D leaves with assurances of sending me some documentation and to stay in the room while he finds F and sends him here. I think that's what he said: he was mumbling and I am in distress.
16:20 I check again with the secretary about this missing courier. He will definitely be here by 5pm, she tells me. She will come and get me when he arrives because I will need to pay him and get a reference number from him.
I do some emails and avoid contacting E.
No one has arrived at any point today for the other 3 meetings that I had scheduled in this meeting room for this afternoon.
16:30 I keep working on my report using a combination of the 10am meeting results and a mountain of vague assumptions.
17:02 I check on the courier. I am told that he was supposed to be here by now but is probably running a little late.
18:10 A passing stranger pops her head in to tell me that A has gone home and his phone is probably turned off so I might need to wait until Monday if I need to speak to him.
I check my emails again and see that A has scheduled a meeting with me for this Monday, at 10am, at the other side of town. Same topic as today. I see that another meeting has also been scheduled by A on Monday. It has identical details and attendees but is set for 3.30pm.
F never came back.
18:15 The secretary pops her head in the office door and wishes me a happy weekend. She tells me that she has booked a taxi for me at 6.30pm so that I can head home. I look up from my laptop to ask her about the courier but she is gone. I run to the door and see an empty hall.
18:16 It dawns on me that the courier is not coming and that, even if it does, they will not be able to call me or find me.
18:40 I get an call from the taxi company, giving me details of a car and driver and informing me that they will be picking me up at the front at 7.15pm. I explain that there are separate 2 front entrances to this building and she assures me that the driver will find me in any case.
19:00 I get a text from the PA telling me the cab is now coming at 7.15pm. I ask her by return text about the courier. She tells me they will come Monday morning now.
19:25 The taxi is not here. The security seems to have left. I sit in the dark lobby of an empty building and wait for my taxi on this, my first work day of 2009. I am alone.
