Font

I need a change. 

Something to mix things up a bit and challenge the status quo.

I'm seriously thinking of moving my work life into Times New Roman. Is that too radical? Is it possible to produce beautiful work in an ugly font?

One of those days

Some days it's gruelling to be working across so many work cultures and personalities in Asia. Those are the times when I really do wonder how anything gets done and struggle to vive la différence. 

Today my glass was not just half empty ... it felt like its contents were being slowly tipped out.

This evening I walked into the apartment, closed the door and put my bag against it. I went into the bedroom, fell backwards onto the bed and stared at the ceiling for Idontknowhowlong . This isn't the sort of thing I would normally do. But sometimes when I am overwhelmed the feeling is quite out of body. And this was one of those times.

As I lay there, it was like I was falling backwards in very slow motion ... occasionally bumping into things with an arm or a leg ... each bump slightly contorting my body for a few seconds before it unfurled itself back onto course. 

It wasn't freedom though - it was too unsupported. It wasn't adventurous, either. In fact it felt incredibly ordinary. Ordinary and alone and with no safety net. Oddly enough it reminded me of this scene from Immortal Beloved. 

Unfortunately, I don't think I will be using this experience to write another Beethoven's Ninth. I will probably use it to create a PowerPoint presentation for a bank.

After a while I pulled myself together and went to the internet for a diagnosis. Seems like I've got multiple sclerosis. Bloody MS.

(Sandy if you're reading this ... I do remember the scene where you flashed your undies at Beethoven's father ... but were you the chick in this one as well?)

God Help the Tater That Comes Between Me and My Tater Hater

Tater Hater

A Tater Hater is someone who clearly does not like potatoes in their country and makes no effort to pretend otherwise.

Pity the potato who tries too hard with the TH.

On encountering a TH, most potatoes initially react by overcompensatory techniques such as smiling too much. Other reactions include overuse of polite words in the local language, or attempts overtipping, or stooping too low when asking for something, or even trying to keep the table tidy. At all thse attempts, the TH remains completely unmoved.

Tater Haters usually work in restaurants or cafes. They are typically over 50, short, very slim and have black teeth. Attire often includes a faded floral print (women) or very high pants (men). When raining it is not unusual for a pot-hater to afix a plastic bag over their head, particularly when working in a street food stalls.

Within at their workplace, the TH will be extremely friendly to all customers until confronted with a potato. In this situation, they will respond to all questions or actions in the same way: by becoming completely expressionless and staring right through the potato.

The TH will nearly always take a very long time to hear you ask for the bill, but then return your change to you as quickly as possible so that you can leave ... they nearly always prefer a quick departure to a good tip.

Here Today, Gone Potato.

All that passport stuff means I can go to Brisbane for the weekend. Phew.

My Deepest Consulate Shuns

I went to the Australian Embassy today to finally lodge my passport application.

Stewart was on 3 weeks leave. This is the same Stewart who has taken me under his wing. Stewart, who has been gently and kindly misadvising me to an early grave. Stewart who talked me into a temporary passport ($100 later this turned out to be inadequate). Stewart who advised me to get my birth extract Fedex'd over ($50 later this turned out to be incorrect). Stewart who hen advised me to get my original birth certificate faxed directly to him from some Births Deaths and Marriages slapper in Sydney. Stewart who told me I could get a non-Australian to endorse my photos.

Stewart wasn't there to tell me my photos needed to endorsed by someone who fits the criteria from some other form that was now being produced.

So I escalated. Here is a sample, to the Vietnamese person working the counter:

"I appreciate that when I go back out there [points to the window] I have no rights. But I am a tax paying citizen of this country and you are supposed to help me when I come in here. I am not leaving this building with any more new rules."

So I escalated again. Here is a sample, to the Parramatta Perm working the counter:

"I have visited this consulate too many times for such a straightforward request.  I have even kept my own written notes here on the laptop to record my recent conversations with Stewart. Each time I come back here I'm given another piece of information that was hitherto not revealed, even when I asked if there was anything else. You have told me to prove my identity. I've done that. You have told me to prove my citizenship. I've done that. The last time I came in here I spoke to Stewart again and he promised me that the only remaining step was the one I have just completed today and he even emailed me to say that my document had arrived and I have changed travel and paid money and taken time from many busy work days and kept coming back here so much so that your security guards on the front watchtower thingo even recognise me now. And you think you can just flap another form in my face and inform me there's yet another hurdle to jump over? This is completely unacceptable. I am not going to accept you blithely waving your hand and telling me to go back to my exercise wheel as if I'm a mouse tring to earn another block of cheese."

-- "It's an Embassy."

"What?"

-- "It's an Embassy."

"You're kidding, right?"

-- "No. You said Consulate.  We're the Embassy."

So then I escalated. Here's a sample, to the Middle Aged Mullet:

"I do not object to the process per se. I object to your complete lack of transparency and all the time and money I am wasting as a result of it." 

[I actually used my tie as a prop during this particular rant. Raised it pointedly like a cheap placard in a teacher's strike.]

So then I escalated. Here's a sample:

"So you're the Ambassador, are you?"

Application accepted.

Save the Potato

Less than 24 hours after submitting my entry for Potato (Slang), I received a written warning from a Wikipedia robot advising me that I had 7 days to justify myself or they would be Invoking Deletion Procedures.

The main issue seems to be that they can't prove I didn't just make this up out of thin air. How ridiculous. What other type of air was used for all the other slang in the world? What makes my slang a second class potato?

I read somewhere recently that a language is a dialect with an army and a navy. I think it was Stephen Pinker.

So I've launched a stay of execution campaign to help it survive beyond its remaining 7 days on Potato Row.

Firstly I referenced my self-penned tome: "Potatospeak: No Longer Underground." I then attempted to link it to a potato book in Amazon, which made Wikipedia go nuts with alerts and threats ... although a fake ISBN seemed to hit the spot.

This is just Viral Potato Marketing 101, so I've also included a reference to Urban Dictionary, after successfully submitting a new entry to them:

Thanks for your definition of Potato!

Editors reviewed your entry and have decided to publish it on urbandictionary.com.

It should appear on this page in the next few days: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Potato

Urban Dictionary

Much friendlier than Wikipedia.

Water Sports

Last week I noticed that my washing machine had a small leak. I reported it to the building maintenance who said they would fix it that day.

After being away for 6 days, today I returned home to find an envelope on my coffee table. Inside was this written warning:

I put a load or washing on last Sunday before I left for the airport. Clearly it leaked on the floor and the cleaners discovered it on Monday.

It seems that the cleaners have also turned on me: flowers are dead in the vase and not replaced, my washing  had been dried but was in a crumpled heap on the bed, the dishes were still in water in the sink, the bed wasn't "tarted up" in the way it's normally done during the cleaning and the dishwasher was not emptied. I have no objections to doing these things ... except that I am paying a sizeable rent to include such luxuries.

I went to the reception desk to complain to the note writer and she couldn't understand. She actually smiled and said "Yes too much water in your apartment". I have already learnt that people find email easier to understand. Careful not to create written evidence that will never be forgiven, I wrote her the following:

Hi Anh

I have been in Malaysia for the last week. 

When I returned today I saw a note from your regarding water problems in the apartment. 

This was not me.

Maybe there is a problem with water leaking from the washing machine or the pipes somewhere. 

Also, when I was away last week I am not sure if the cleaning was done? When I came back the dishes were not done, the dishwasher was full, the clothes were dry on the bed and not folded, the flowers were dead, the bedroom was not made up. 

Did your cleaners think I had gone away and was not coming back? Please look into this.

Dead man walking.

I'm in!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Potato_(slang)

What did you call me?

The first step in any foreign language it to learn its standard greeting: hola, bonjour, sawat-di kap and the like.

The most common greeting in Vietnamese has two words which roughly translate as "Hello, you".

The first word is Chàu. It is pronounced like Ciao in Italian and used in the same way (arrivals and departures), which makes it very easy to learn and remember.

Chàu also requires you to use a low tone … which makes it sound like you're slightly disappointed as you say it. This is the same tone of voice that you would use when arriving late to  a work function and realising that the only seat left is at the end of the table next to the most boring person. As I pronounce Chàu, I try to imagine myself desperately scanning for other empty chairs.

The second word is slowly destroying me.

There are many “you”s in Vietnam and the correct one must be selected at the beginning of a conversation, then used extensively from that point.

Selecting the correct “you” requires you to make assumptions about the other person. You must incorporate any differences in your ages, your genders, your personal histories, your social ranking, marital status, childbearing, personal preferences and even relationships that your friends or family may have with their friends or family. And you must make this decision in a few seconds.

This is an important word ... try having a conversation with someone and not using the word "you" in it ... 

Once the  pronouns are established, they will influence how you select many other pronouns such  as me, him, your, her etc.

Below is a consolidation of all the wonderful help and guidance I’ve received on this subject … supposedly to help me not make any more mistakes.

"Chàu Em"

Em is used to address a male or female who is younger than you ... which means more than 3 years younger. 

"… but how do I know if they're younger than me or not?"

-- "Don't worry. You just know. You know. You know? If you're not sure - then you ask them."

"Do you ever ask them?"

-- "No need. I always just know."

"But what if I can't tell?"

-- "You can tell. It's OK."

Once you've got an Em, he or she will also allocate a pronoun to you. This will be based on how much older they think you are and can be quite confronting.

The following exceptions apply:

a) People who are further down the food chain than you mus also be called Em, even when they're older. It keeps them in their place. You call a waitress or a taxi driver "Em" even if they are your age or older, "because they are not your equal". (Each time I apply this rule it is with apologetic shame written all over my face.)

b) If you are a man under 40, you should use Em for women who are your own age or even up to 3 years older. This will imply that they are still youthful. However, some women within this age range will find it condescending to be called Em. So don’t make this mistake of using (or not using) Em with the wrong woman. I am told that there is also nothing to worry about, though, because I will apparently find it easy to tell which situation suits which word. I am yet to find it easy.

c) When Em is used between two men, the Em  must be at least 5 years younger than you or  he will be insulted that you’re not treating him like a man. If he is more than 5 years younger than you, you cannot call him Em because that would be like implying he’s old and boring like his parents.

d) If the man is 5 years younger than you, but he is your client or your boss, you should not call him Em.

e) ... although sometimes your client or boss who 5 years younger than you will still want to be called Em. He will not tell you this explicity but don’t worry, because “you will just know” when this is the case.

f) If your client or boss is more than 12 years younger than you, you must  always use Em regardless of his or her role.

g) If a man and a woman are the same age but they are going out together, he calls her Em but she doesn’t call him Em.

h) Once you pass a certain age you “cannot” be referred to as Em by anyone. I have been told by some of my younger colleagues that my Em days are numbered. I am becoming disEmpowered.

i) You will always know how old someone is so should never worry.

"Chàu Chị"

Chị is a married woman just a little bit older than you or, on occasion, the same age as you or, in rare cases, even a little younger.

The following exceptions apply:

a)  Married women who are over 35 should probably be called Chị anyway … even if she is younger than you. 

b) Waitresses or cleaners must be downgraded to Em in nearly all cases, even if married.

c) If you address a woman who is within another group of women who are younger than her, you should address her as Chị and the others as Em.

d) You should use Chị if you are at work and the woman is younger than you, but is senior to you, but only if she is close to 30 and you are over 35 and you are sure she is married. Look for a ring to start with.

e) If the woman is over 35, even if she is married you may not use Chị if she has no children.

f) There are "many other situations" where  you "must use Chi”. You should not worry about these situations because you will “just know".

g) If you use it with the wrong woman she will be offended

h) If you don’t use it with the right woman she will be offended.

I have only achieved one confident “Chàu Chị” during my whole time in Vietnam. That is with the woman who runs the street stall near my house where I buy my breakfast. She seems quite responsive to this greeting so I use it extensively. Then again, I am paying her so she could possibly be a bit of a Chị ‘ho - she will Chị for cash.

When I used this with my secretary she said she was not a Chi to me, she was an Em. I thought we were the same age but she told me I am 5 years older than her and therefore it was completely unacceptable. I asked her how she knew I was older and she said she had checked the photocopy of my passport. Then she hit me and told me not to do it again.

"Chàu Anh"

Use Anh for a man who is anywhere from your own age, up to about 12  years older.

The following exceptions apply:

a) If you are a man greeting another man, take 5 years off his age.

b) If you are a woman who is greeting a man, add 5 years to his age.

c) With a waiter, taxi driver or security guard you must use Em unless he is at least 8 years older than you. This is to put him in his place. Apparently he will expect this and see it as friendly. But you can use Anh if he is more than 8 years older than you and this will be friendly. Break either of these conditions and it will be unfriendly.

d) If you are in a business meeting where you don’t know people you must greet all the men as Anh, except for the one serving coffee or adjusting the projector. These two must be completely ignored because greeting one of them will cause everyone in the room to stop what they are doing and look at you strangely ... including the one being greeted.

e) You may use Anh more freely if you are in a particularly good mood and wish to be friendly to someone who works in a department store or to the security guard of your building. However, if you try to be too friendly or misread how busy they are it will be extremely rude.

Say it like “ang”. But be careful because it is also the word for England. And food.

"Chau Cô"

This is an adult woman who is slightly younger than you but does not have children.

You may use it as long as she is not married, and  she is under 30, and you are at least 5 years older than her. 

But if she is significantly younger than you (whatever that means) you should use Em unless she is also a friend of the family. 

The following exceptions apply:

a) you may use it with any female teacher who is more than 5 years younger than you or up to 10 years older than you, as long as she doesn’t have children.

b) You can use Cô for a woman who is the same age as you, as long as it is a social setting, both of you are in your 20's and have only recently met.

d) You can use it your father's younger sister but not your mother's younger sister.

c) You should also use it for a woman who is your father's younger sister's age who you know well.

My podcast told me to use this for any woman who was your age or younger. When I checked this with people at work, they told me  it was entirely inappropriate.

"Chàu Bà"

Your grandmother, or someone as old as your grandmother. Also someone who is not as old as your grandmother  but is over 40 and deserving of respect. Also used to refer to a distinguished person, in writing.

In explicably, the Pimsleur Vietnamese Language podcast tells you to use this for all women that you don’t know. It’s quite a hospital pass because it’s considered to be quite insulting and in cases, tantamount to “Chàu Old Bag”

I’ve been in trouble for using this with the wrong person. I’m going to come up with a wrinkle count as a precondition for using this one.

Also means black sheep.

"Chàu Ông"

Your grandfather, or someone as old as your grandfather.

You’ve got to be careful with this one as the brain tends to remember it. This was the mistake I made with my 20-something cleaner a couple of weeks ago (the day my passport was put through the washing machine). As I was leaving the building I walked past her and smiled and said “Hello, Grandfather.” About 10 steps later I realized what I’d said and cringed.

"Chàu Ban"

This is for very close friends.

If you pronounce it slightly wrongly, it will sound like you are calling them your grandmother.

"Chàu Minh"

Only allowed to be used amongst high school students of any gender.

When graduation has taken place this word must be immediately replaced by Ban.

"Chàu Cháu"

These are two completely different words. The first word uses a low tone but the second word uses the low rising tone. Completely different, apparently, but I can’t hear it.

You use the second Cháu for your nieces or nephews

It is also suitable for your grandchildren if you had your children young and they also had their children young, leaving around 40 years difference in the ages. 

You may also use it with your friends' children as long as you went to school with your friend.

It may also be used for your cousins' children or your childrens' cousins (which I suppose are usually nieces or nephews).

"Chàu Mẹ"

Your biological mother.

"Chàu Cha"

Your biological father.

"Chàu Con"

Your child.

"Chàu Chú"

Your father's younger brother. Or someone you feel is like your father’s younger brother. It’s also applicable for a friend of the family who is as old as your father but maybe looks a bit younger. Or a formal greeting to a man who is only slightly younger than you but not quite Anh status.

"Chàu Thím"

Chú’s wife. Once you’ve Chú’d a man, you can Thím his wife.

"Chàu Chím"

Your father's younger brother's wife. Also the wife of someone as old as your father's wife who is also familiar to your family and can be treated as your aunt. 

If you are good friends, you will also use it for your friend's father's younger brother's wife.

Oh, and apparently it is used extensively and no one gets it wrong.

"Chàu Dì"

Your mother’s sister, or a friend of your mothers who is her same age. If you are within a 50km radius of Danang you can also use it to refer to your mother's younger sister but not to your mother’s friends who are the same age as her younger sister.

"Chàu Cậu"

Your mother’s brother, or a man as old as your mother who is a close friend. But if you’re in the north it should only be used for your mother’s younger brother. 

"Chàu Mợ"

Cậu’s wife – in all the above cases.

"Chàu Dượng"

The husband of Co or Di. Sometimes a stepfather. Or sugar. This seems to be the same word as sugar. And ocean. And mulberry.

"Chàu Bác"

The older sibling of either parent.

"Chàu Cụ/Cố"

Great Grandparent or someone else old enough to be nearly dead.

"Chàu Sơ"

Great great grandparent. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is also the word for corpse.

I mean ... for fuck's sake!

Anyway given all that, when I greet someone I say "Chau". Then freeze. Then mumble something nondescript. Then look away confused.

there are no words

there are no words

the rest of this website is equally disturbing, for different reasons.

as far as outfits go this sure beats a trishrag ... cheesel should try knitting one of these on the train to central ...

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/

Once Bitten

I was asked to a meeting in KL on Monday so have had to travel today (Sunday) to make it. 

There is only one direct flight from Hanoi to Kuala Lumpur and it's daily at 2pm. This means I need to leave home by about midday, the flight departs at 14, I land at 18, get though imigration and baggage by 18:20, board the express train by about 18:30, get off it by 19:00, get another cab to the hotel by about 19:30, I'm checked-in and unpacked by 20:00 and my day is gone. It's pointless trying to find something interesting and open by this time on a Sunday.

This evening I wound up sitting in the lobby bar of the Shangri-La hotel having steak with Béarnaise sauce, I received an email to say our meeting was moved to Tuesdsay. 

I should have known ... the originally meeting was called by C, of New Year fame! 

DooouuuuubbbbbbbbblllllllleeeeeAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The good thing about the lobby is that there is a very professional, polished 3-piece cover band. Like most Filipino bands that I've seen, they are fantastic singers and have a huge range. For some reason Malaysia celebrates Mother's Day on the same day as Australia so there are a few families here tonight.

Then something really awkward happened with the band. The guy started singing a Tony Mutton song with a chorus that started with the man singing "I Wanna Make Love Right Now" and the backup going "Na Na Na" trailing off in the background. Out of nowhere, 3 little girls of about 4 years old and dressed in very frothy bowy dresses (2 pink, 1 lemon) got up from their table and started dancing right in front of the band with their hands linked. The guy became very uncomfortable with his love-making lines that he started mumbling and trying not to use the actual lyrics. By the end it sounded like "I Wanna Mer Gerrr Ra Na" with the women singing "na na na na".

Naughty Naughty Little Scallywags ...

I spotted this today at Hanoi airport.

I started thinking about these children and immediately reached for my wallet. 

Not to give money, but to check it hadn't been pickpocketed.

Hell's Potatoes In Full Flight (Part 4)

Turning left onto the street where I work.

Please note that this accomplished potato is riding with one hand while he films.

Hell's Potatoes in Full Flight (Part 3)

It's a few minutes later and Hell's Potatoes are picking more gaps and going for them.

I think this looks more precarious than it feels at the time.

Hell's Potatoes In Full Flight (Part 2)

This was taken just after R had taken the wrong (left) lane and the road divided into a dual carriageway. Rather than turn around, he decides to speed up and get it over and done with.

Where's Wally?

Hell's Potatoes In Full Flight

Today I decided to attempt taking a video of my ride to work. In this 19 seconds, I was following R who quite deliberately and non-chalantly (and accidentally) turns into oncoming traffic.

Currency Fluctuations

This is an old joke that I hadn't thought about for years. However, since being in Vietnam I think of the punchline often ... and mumble it to myself as I walk away from a taxi/restaurant/supermarket/banana vendor. 

I use it to compensate for many of my underperforming social assets.

A Chinese man walks into the currency exchange in New York with 1000 yuan and walks out with $72. 

The following week he walks in with 1000 yuan and is handed $66. 

So he asks the lady why he is getting less money this week than last week.

"It's currency fluctuations.", she says.

"Sorry? What was that?", he asks.

Realising that his English is rough around the edges, she repeats slowly and more loudly, "Fluc-tu-ations.". 

At this point the man becomes incensed and responds, "Then fuck you Americans too!".

Oh … What Will Become of Me? (Part 1)

It was a Thursday afternoon about 3 weeks ago. I remember it well.

 I received a call from the manager of my apartment building

“Hello? Mr Anthony?”

--“Yes.”

[Giggle] “It’s Anh.”

--“Sorry? Who is it?”

“It’s Anh.” [slightly nervous giggle]

[Anh is more common than Sharon so this doesn’t narrow it down.]

--“Anh?”,

 “Yes Anh from Lakeside Apartments.”

--“Hi Anh. What's up?”

“I’m just ringing to tell you that your [giggle] passport is washed.”

-- Washed?

“Yes [giggle] the cleaners found your passport in the washing machine.”

[These were uncomfortable empathy giggles:  this was not schadenfreude.]

-- “Oh no. How does it look? Is it ok?”

[Giggles] “No. Not OK. It is not good. Very bad. Sorry. We will leave it out for you.”

-- “Oh. Umm ... OK. Thanks.”

I remember that the default washing machine settings are a hot wash for 110 minutes. 

When I arrived home this is what I found.

The page on the left says "Do not stamp this page" in French. I wonder how clean it feels now. 

My work visa for Vietnam.

My departure card for Vietnam.

The following day I went to the Australian embassy with my still-slightly-wet passport in hand and sheepishly slipped it under the security glass with my Drivers' Licence and Medicare Card.

I needed an Emergency passport reissue to go on a work trip the coming Wednesday. They told me it could be reissued that day and recommended a place nearby I could get photos taken. 

Although this outlet was just around the corner, the humidity ensured I was sweating heavily on arrival (no little comments please). I was taken up two flights of stairs, seated next to a bride who was getting her make-up retouched, photographed, then shuffled to wait in another room full of people on computers. As it turned out, they seemed to be using Photoshop to retouch all mannner of customer memories: romantic couples, wedding photos, ugly children in yellow organza dresses. I even saw someone turning an ordinary Hanoi restaurant into al fresco dining over Niagara Falls.

Eventually my name was called out by a nearby the computer operators. I walked over to him and saw that my image was on the screen and he just wanted my nod before he pressed Print. In that moment, through a series of hand signals and gestures I never knew I had in me, I asked him to smooth out my skin, remove a blemish on my neck, suck in my cheeks and change the colour of my tie.

I walked back into the embassy, up to the passport counter and sucked in my face to match the new photo that I was now slipping under the security glass.  This was the new me. Not the pathetic potato me that shuffled in an hour ago with a laundered passport and an ugly pink tie. This was the Oprah Makeover me. 

Still me, of course ... Just a slightly better me.

At about 16:30 that day (Friday) I came in to pick up my Emergency Passport. When they handed it back to me they told me it was only valid for 7 months, that I need to apply for a Vietnam visa replacement in order to get out of the country, that the renewal would take 3-5 working days for the Vietnamese to process this (more due to next week's 2 public holidays), and that I need to get a full passport in the next month because most countries in Asia require at least 6 months validity on your passport to let you in. This full passport should be obtained when I get back home, at which point I would need to apply for another Vietnamese Visa to get me back in. If I want to get it done here I need my original birth certificate and blah blah blah.

The Edwina Monologues (Part 2)

The other day I was sitting near Edwina as she was holding court from her workstation. She was sitting on the side of her desk and 3 others were sitting beside her on chairs. Given her audience was Vietnamese, the lecture involved much finger pointing and a level of condescension not seen since Mother Theresa crossed over. Out of the blue Edwina lost her balance, became dislodged from the desk and tumbled into her audience.

Timmmmmmmmmbeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrr.

At that moment I recalled Edwina’s comments about how the local people are all clueless, like puppies …

Got me thinking about her puppy comments.

‘Stupid clumsy giraffe’, I hope they thought to themselves. 

Who's Evolved?

H is a local guy on our project who has terrible dress sense, a mouth full of yellow teeth, appalling English and even worse breath. This often detracts from the fact that he is highly intelligent, capable and really good company (from a distance).

This is the same person who pretends that he can't understand my Vietnamese swearwords, in an attempt to rattle my confidence so that I don't use them. We get along very well.

We have another guy, R, who is working with us. He has excellent English, a good sense of humour and a fairly strong Portuguese accent. He also works with H and they don't always get along.

We were at lunch yesterday and I commented that I think H's English seems to be improving since we started this project ... albeit quite slowly. But there is definite improvement and it's not just in our ability to understand the accent.

R said [with strong Portuguese accent] "Oh yes - maybe. Probably his English has improved but even cunts are evolved."

The way he said it, I thought he had said "even cunts are evolved". Especially given that he and H don't always see eye to eye. I was shocked ... until then I thought we were having a pleasant conversation and then this, out of the blue, delivered with a smile. 

Me: "What? R what did you call H?"

R: "'Even cancer evolved'."

Me: "Oh. That's not what I heard I thought you were being mean to H."

R: "What did you hear?"

Me: "Something else. Never mind."